Ken Squier (ESPN): We're here live from the LOWE'S Motor Speedway in Charlotte, North Carolina to bring you live coverage of NASCAR's LONGEST race, the Coca-Cola 600. The very first 600-mile event was ran here back in 1959 when it was known as the World 600, and ever since then, it has been a great Memorial Day tradition along with the Indianapolis 500, which was won earlier today by Ash Ketchum. Note, the very first night race here was held in 1992 when Davey Allison and Kyle Petty crashed at the finish line at the end of "The Winston Select", in which Davey Allison was the winner, despite him being airlifted to a nearby hospital after the last lap crash. Hello everyone, this is Ken Squier alongside former NASCAR Champion and race analyst, Buddy Baker (1941-2015), and ESPN/TNN booth announcer/pit-reporter, Dick Berggren. Bob Jenkins and Benny Parsons have the week off this evening This race, Buddy Baker, is THE longest race ever in NASCAR history.
Buddy Baker (ESPN): Indeed it is, Ken. Remember, unlike any other NASCAR Winston Cup Series event we go to, this event has a special day-to-night transition, causin' dramatic changes in car-handlin' due to the coolin' track temperatures as the evenin' progresses. So if I were the pit-crews, I'd be really strict on those wedge adjustments as this longest race goes on.
Ken Squier (ESPN): After winning 2 weeks ago in California (in reference to the "2000 NAPA Auto-Parts 500 Fantasy Edition" wiki), tonight's pole sitter, Timmy Turner looks to add HIS name into the NASCAR history books as he said in his pre-race interview that the Coca-Cola 600 is one of his BIGGEST dreams to conquer on his bucket list.
Dick Berggren (ESPN): You got that that right, Ken. After winning last week's PEPSI All-Star Challenge at this same racing facility, Timmy Turner just might be the one to beat here in tonight's Coca-Cola 600.
Ken Squier (ESPN): Timmy Turner might have the car to beat, but he STILL must watch out for a VERY HUNGRY Denzel Crocker who really wants his first career NASCAR Winston Cup Series victory. It is now time for the moment all of us here at LOWE'S Motor Speedway and racefans all along the airwaves and these drivers and teams have all have been waiting for! We now go trackside to get the command!
Track P.A Announcer: And now for the 4 most famous words in all of motorsports, please welcome your Grand Marshals for this evening, military war-veterans Sgt. Johnson (from "HALO 2"), and Sgt. Slaughter (from WWE)! *crowd cheers EXTREMELY loudly, and LOUDLY chants "USA!!!!"* *scene cuts to Homer's cockpit*
Homer (starting 25th / in unison to the crowd's "USA!!!!" chants): USA! USA! *scene cuts to the track*
Sgt. Johnson: On behalf of all our servicemen and women, armed forces, and beloved military corps all 'round this globe.....
Sgt. Slaughter: We're proud enough to get this 600-mile Memorial Day battle underway! *crowd cheers EXTREMELY loudly*
Sgt. Johnson: So, get on your feet, make lots of noise, and let's move! *crowd cheers EXTEMELY loudly*
Sgt. Slaughter: Attention drivers!
Sgt. Slaughter & Sgt. Johnson: START YOUR ENGINES!!!!! *crowd cheers EXTREMELY LOUDLY* *scene immediately cuts to Timmy's cockpit*
Timmy (starting 1st / in unison to the screaming and cheering crowd/ proudly): SIR, YES SIR!!!! *starts his engine* *scene cuts to the stands*
[engines start and rev loudly, in unison to the ballistically cheering crowd]
Barney Gumble (in unison to the cars' engines starting and crowd cheering / drunkly): USA! USA! USA--! *belches loudly* *scene cuts to Timmy's cockpit*
Timmy: Hah, I always wanted to do that! *revs his engine loudly* *scene cuts to Buttercup's cockpit*
Buttercup: It's finally time to kick some serious All-American bumper! *revs her engine twice* *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit*
Ed: Like BBQs? *scene cuts to Sandy's cockpit*
Sandy (while revving her engine): Yeah, after I slam that no-good Fu--*bleep*--saplenty into the wall like a hickory smoked sausage on a grill! YEE-HAW!!!! *scene cuts to Spongebob's cockpit*
Spongebob (while revving his engine): What about Krabby Patties, Sandy?
Sandy (voice only): Same ol' sh--*bleep*, Spongebob!
Ken Squier (ESPN / in unison to the crowd cheering HYSTERICALLY):Glad you're all with us on ESPN on this Memorial Day weekend. *crowd cheers louder as the pace-car pulls into the pits* The pace-car heads to pit-road. The local idiot from Peach Creek, Ed Monobrow brings them to the line with Team REXCOR rival, Denzel Crocker on the outside-pole. *cars accelerate to take the green flag waved by Zeb Coulter, in unison to the HYSTERICALLY cheering crowd* Ladies and gentlemen *as the now-accelerated cars were crossing the start/finish line, beginning the race*... we have a race! (as the cars race in Turn #1) Clear through One! (as the cars race in and out of Turn #2) And clear through Two! (as they roar down the backstretch and back-straightaway, and race through Turns 3 & 4) Down the 1,500-foot back-straightaway at about 185 mph in the 24-degree banking! (the cars roar down the frontstretch to complete Lap #1 of 400)
Buddy Baker (ESPN): *chuckles* So ya wanna be a racecar driver do ya?! Those paint jobs must be excitin'!
Ken Squier (ESPN): (while on Edd's onboard camera) They're looking good! (as the cars race off Turn #2, and on the backstretch and backstraightaway, while on Rolf's onboard camera) Edward Marion's out back and watch him slice and cut, and make his way through the field!
(On Lap 400 out of 400 laps / just taking the white flag to begin the final lap)
Doug Rice (PRN Radio): The white flag is in the air! Timmy Turner and Denzel Crocker remain side-by-side as they head into Turn #1 for the final time this evening! *scene cuts to Timmy's cockpit*
(in Turns 1 & 2)
Timmy (in 1st / nosing out in front of Crocker / to himself): C'mon, Timmy, move!!!! *scene cuts to Crocker's cockpit*
Crocker (in 2nd): Give it up, Turner or I'll make you choke on my shrimp puffs at the finish line!
(on the backstretch & backstraightaway)
Timmy (in 1st / voice only): Shrimp puffs are gross like YOU Crockpot!
Crocker (in 2nd / to himself): Oh, I have something for you, off Turn #4, Turner. And I'll make SURE it ain't my fault! *cackles evilly* *scene cuts to the track*
Brad Gillie (PRN Radio): They enter Turn #3 for the final time this evening! Timmy is in the clear for now but Crocker WON'T GIVE UP! He goes for Turner again in Turn #4!
Doug Rice (PRN Radio): Crocker tries to the outside of Turner off Turn #4 *with sudden realization* (in unison, Timmy cries out "WHOA!!!") AND NOW TURNER GETS TURNED! Crocker turns Timmy Turner around as Turner POWS hard against the outside retaining wall *with sudden realization* (in unison, Timmy cries out "YAAHH!!!!" as he is T-boned by Buttercup, and Buttercup screams in unison as she T-bones Timmy) and now he gets T-boned by Buttercup Utonium as Buttercup spins along with Timmy Turner (in unison, Crocker's evil cackling is heard) as Denzel Crocker wins the Coca-Cola 600!
(in Victory Lane, taking place at the start/finish line)
[Crocker climbs out of his #99 EXIDE Batteries Ford and celebrates with his team, in unison to ALL of the crowd in attendance around the racetrack and the ENTIRE infield HEAVILY BOOING Crocker for what he did to Timmy]
Dr. Jerry Punch (ESPN /in unison to the crowd booing in the background): So Crocker, how you do feel about claiming your first career NASCAR Winston Cup Series victory and clinching a playoff spot in time for the postseason?
Crocker (being interviewed by Dr. Jerry Punch / in unison to the heavy-booing furious crowd): Well, Punch. I feel it is the greatest moment of my crazy life, to finally taste victory and NOT HAVE STUPID TIMMY TURNER RUIN MY NIGHT! *crowd continuously boos heavily and gets louder after Crocker's evil remark about Timmy*
Dr. Jerry Punch (ESPN / in unison to the heavy-booing furious crowd): And I'm sure that the winning move you made on him was kinda clever for you, was it?
Crocker (being interviewed by Dr. Jerry Punch, in unison to the heavy-booing furious crowd): Well, Turner DESERVED it from me after what that beaver-boy did to me last week-- *Timmy suddenly grabs him in an ambushing fashion* HEY!
Timmy (in unison, the crowd IMMEDIATELY begins to cheer with a loud roar): YOU MADE ME WRECK, CROCKPOT!!!! *Bubbles, Tommy, and Tammy IMMEDIATELY forcefully restrain him*
Crocker (as race officials begin to forcefully restrain him in unison to the loud cheer/roar of the crowd): Well, you deserved it, Turner! I didn't do anything anything to you!
Bubbles (in unison to Timmy and the crowd): NO! TIMMY STOP IT! WE HATE IT WHEN YOU FIGHT!
Timmy (while being forcefully restrained / unison to the loud cheer/roar of the crowd and Bubbles): YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE A FU--*bleep*--! A LYING FU--*bleep*--!
Crocker (while being forcefully restrained / while grunting and groaning / in unison to the cheering/roaring crowd): FU--*bleep*-- YOU AND YOU'RE FU--*bleep*--ING FAMILY OF MISERABLE BI--*bleep*--ES, DO--*bleep*--BAG!
TImmy (in unison): YEAH, SAME TO YOU, FU--*bleep*--FACE! JUST YOU FU--*bleep*--ING WAIT, FU--*bleep*--POT!
Bubbles (while forcefully restraining Timmy along with Tommy and Tammy / in unison to Timmy and the crowd / in a groaning, crying way): *groaning* TIMMY STO-HO-HOP! STOP FIGHTING! PLEASE STOP!
[Crocker and Timmy continues quarreling while being forcefully restrained as the scene then fades into Timmy and Bubbles' house, in Timmy and Bubbles' bedroom with Timmy in his bed while he was calming down in tears]
Bubbles (calmly but worried): *opens the door slowly* You feeling okay, hon?
Timmy (sadly): Just about. *sad moan*
[Bubbles sits down on Timmy's bed to calmly talk to him]
Bubbles (feeling DEEPLY sorry for Timmy / calmly with tears in her eyes): I didn't want to upset you if I said this but, Timmy... *sad sigh*.... you really scared the life out of me and the kids when you ran and tried attacking Crocker. Luckily Cosmo and Wanda saw the big fight and immediately wished us back home in case Crocker broke loose and fought us in the melee.
Timmy (calmly with tears in his eyes): *sad sigh* I'm DEEPLY sorry I got overheated and tried to fight Crocker, Bubs. *sad sigh* But the thing is Crocker MADE me act like that after he put me in the Turn #4 wall, and collecting your sister Buttercup. And the worst part of it is, he did it on the LAST lap of the race. *tears up more*
Bubbles (trying to sooth Timmy and talk to him calmly): Don't blame yourself, Timmy. You did everything you could tonight. That evil cheater, Crocker would do EVERYTHING to ruin our lives. He's the only teacher I would call a meanie. *tears up*
Timmy: Well I guess you're right, Bubbles. *sad gasps* Crocker really does hate us and strongly disrespects our family, and NO WONDER WHY he wrecked me for the win. *sobs on Bubbles shoulder while Bubbles hugs him in her arms*
Bubbles (calmly / while hugging a sobbing Timmy and nuzzling his cheek / with tears in her eyes): Awwww.... don't cry, Timmypie. *slowly and softly kisses him on the cheek* If it's okay with you, *deep sigh* would you like to make love with me in bed at this time to help you calm down, sweetie?
Timmy (calmly & sadly / with tears in his eyes): *sad sigh* That would make me feel much better after my rough night with Crockpot.
Bubbles (calmly): Luckily, the kids are asleep.
Timmy (calmly & sadly / with tears in his eyes): Thanks, Bubs. *voice cracks in the beginning* I love you so much, Bubbles.
Bubbles (calmly with tears in her eyes): I always love you, Timmy Bear.
[Bubbles tucks Timmy and herself in bed, they undress under the covers and then hug and kiss, and the episode ends]